Germ Warfare script update.

On reflecting on the feedback from the pitch, I've tried to add a bit more science to this draft. The thing I'm currently struggling with is how far I step out of the metaphor, until I am being overtly obvious with the language that I'm using.

My question really, is, do I just break the metaphor to go out of my way and mention exactly what is happening in the body in scientific terms? Or do I continue the metaphor and find ways of conveying it without being explicit? I can only really think of conveying it with titles as the bacteria appear.

This is my attempt at making things a bit clearer.